Sally: Mary Kelly thinks you're a complete idiot.
Patrick: Then why does she keep looking at my arse when we're talking?
Sally: She's lip-reading.

    -- Flushed (series 1, episode 1)
%
Sally:  Since thirty, I've had to put a daily limit on facial expressions. I only
        ever smile at single men so I can justify the loss of elasticity.

    -- Flushed (series 1, episode 1)
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Jane: Friendship's more lasting than love, and more legal than stalking.

    -- Size Matters (series 1, episode 2)
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Sally:  Susan, you are offering this man food and sex in the same place. If there's
        something to read in the loo he may never leave.

    -- Size Matters (series 1, episode 2)
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Susan:  What do you call people you got out with but you don't try to sleep with?
Patrick: Men.

    -- Size Matters (series 1, episode 2)
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Patrick: You can't prevent death with face cream.
Sally:  Yeah? That's what everyone thinks, but no-one's ever used it in the
        quantities I do.

    -- Sex, Death and Nudity (series 1, episode 3)
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Susan: Does your dick do all the talking?
Patrick: I don't know. I'll ask it.

    -- Sex, Death and Nudity (series 1, episode 3)
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Jane: Vegetarianism for me is about saying 'yes' to things - even meat.

    -- Inferno (series 1, episode 4)
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Patrick:  I like films with lesbians in them because it's nice to think there are
          attractive women out there who can't find a boyfriend.

    -- Inferno (series 1, episode 4)
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Steve:  When man invented fire, he didn't say, 'hey, let's cook', he said, 'great,
        now we can see naked bottoms in the dark.'

    -- Inferno (series 1, episode 4)
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Jeff:  I need breasts with brains. I don't mean individual brains, obviously... I
       mean, not a brain each. You know, I like intelligent women, but you've
       got to draw the line somewhere... I think breast brains would be
       over-egging the woman pudding.

    -- The Girl With Two Breasts (series 1, episode 5)
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Jeff: Rule one of playing it cool... only smile at her face.

    -- The Girl With Two Breasts (series 1, episode 5)
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Sally: A woman's breasts are a journey. Her feet are the destination.

    -- The Girl With Two Breasts (series 1, episode 5)
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Jane:  I really thought I'd gone to his house, you know, to heal our spiritual
       divide. But it turns out I was just gagging for a shag. Those two are
       _so_ similar.

    -- The Cupboard of Patrick's Love (series 1, episode 6)
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Jane: I went on a course. Learning to love yourself. I came top.

    -- The Cupboard of Patrick's Love (series 1, episode 6)
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Sally:  Bottoms are our natural enemy... They follow us around our entire lives,
        right behind us, and constantly growing. How do they do that? I'm sure
        mine's back there secretly snacking.

    -- The Cupboard of Patrick's Love (series 1, episode 6)
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Susan:  We're talking about men. They regard nose-picking as the bright side of flu.

    -- The Cupboard of Patrick's Love (series 1, episode 6)
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Jane: I've always wanted to date a gynaecologist. I wanna _know_ I'm special.

    -- The Man With Two Legs (series 2, episode 1)
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Patrick:  You've seen this woman on the train and you find her attractive, yeah?
Jeff: Yeah.
Patrick: And you haven't had sex with her?
Jeff: No.
Patrick: You see my problem?

    -- The Man With Two Legs (series 2, episode 1)
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Steve:  Jeff, Jeff, I know about the giggle loop, the sock gap, the nudity buffer,
        and what you said to Audrey Watkins. Believe me, there is nothing you
        can possibly say that will surprise me. What's gone wrong this time?
Jeff: I've got too many legs.

    -- The Man With Two Legs (series 2, episode 1)
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Steve:  Let me explain, Patrick. Here on earth there is a gap between seeing someone
        you like and having sex with them, that we like to call conversation.

    -- The Man With Two Legs (series 2, episode 1)
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Sally:  As Susan's best friend I am to you a bit like Australia: very distant,
        largely uninhabitable and with areas of great danger.

    -- Her Best Friend's Bottom (series 2, episode 3)
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Sally:  You've never understood about bottoms, Jane. Having a bottom is like living
        with the enemy. Not only do they spend their lives slowly inflating,
        they flirt with men while we're looking the other way.

    -- Her Best Friend's Bottom (series 2, episode 3)
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Steve: It's not genetically possible for men to have opinions about fabric.

    -- Her Best Friend's Bottom (series 2, episode 3)
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Mark:  Yeah, but I mean, does size really make a difference? You know what woman
       always say?
Patrick: Ouch?

    -- The Melty Man Cometh (series 2, episode 4)
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Patrick:  If I don't like a woman, if there's no chemistry, if I'm not attracted to
          her, then I don't lead her on, I just get out of there... every
          time, before she even wakes up.

    -- The Melty Man Cometh (series 2, episode 4)
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Sally:  (to Patrick) I don't need you to think of me as 'a person' - I have women for
        that.

    -- The Melty Man Cometh (series 2, episode 4)
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Jane:  I really quite like being single. Except for the bit about not having a man.

    -- Gotcha (series 2, episode 6)
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Patrick:  No, I'm sorry Steve, you've been with Susan a year now. Either you've got a
          future, or you should just get married.

    -- Gotcha (series 2, episode 6)
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Patrick: I'm thirty-three, single, with neat hair. Even _I_ think I'm gay.

    -- Dressed (series 2, episode 7)
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Susan:  It's always scary when you see that final corner approaching, isn't it? And
        you're thinking: did I touch his thigh often enough? Did I stare at
        his mouth long enough? Did I flick my hair too much? Yeah, I used to
        over-flick. So easy to cross the line between suggesting flirtatious
        and approachable, and suggesting there's something living in your ear.

    -- Dressed (series 2, episode 7)
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Jeff: Whenever I have sex with Julia, it's just so realistic.

    -- The End of the Line (series 2, episode 9)
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Steve:  There are three things all men should know, and it's time you did too. You're
        never going to be famous, you're fatter than you think, and most
        important of all, they don't keep wearing stockings.

    -- The End of the Line (series 2, episode 9)
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Susan:  Well, you know what it's like at the start, when they're all fiery-eyed, and
        eager, and they haven't seen you naked yet. And it's like he's
        smashing at your door with his mighty battering ram. And he's
        promising to ravish you forever. So you brace yourself for man
        overload, and throw open the doors, and what do you find standing
        there? An oversized toddler who wants his dinner. And before you can
        say 'there's been a terrible mistake', he's snoring on your sofa, the
        fridge is full of empty bottles and the whole place smells of feet.

    -- The End of the Line (series 2, episode 9)
%